Cinco de Mayo is my wedding anniversary. 

We aren’t celebrating with margaritas because we have a deep-seated love for the holiday. It was just the May date that worked many years ago.

We have been together for 18 years in July.  In numerology, that is exactly two full nine-year cycles. We have some history at this point.

When you have been in the trenches together for that long, you start to see the patterns. You know when the other person is reaching their systemic load limit before they even say a word.

Lately, that limit has been tested for both of us. 

We have spent the last few months watching our surviving parents decline and pass. It is a heavy load to carry.As close family falls away, the “support container” you have built with your partner becomes increasingly vital.

Caffeine has a half-life of about five or six hours in the system. ︎Stress and grief don’t exit nearly that fast. They can linger for months or even years. And, stress accumulates in the tissues, disrupting your nervous system signaling long after the event has passed.

When your own adaptive capacity is thin, a long-term partner acts as a stabilizer. They provide the grounding you can’t always find on your own.

It is a reminder  that we aren’t meant to decode these systems in isolation. Whether it is a spouse, a close friend, or your “tribe,” having a witness to your history reduces the internal noise. 🔊

It allows you to stop fighting for survival and start the process of recalibration.

A partnership functions like a biological buffer. When your capacity is low, theirs can carry the load until your system regulates again.

If you are currently navigating a loss or a major transition, don’t try to out-discipline your nervous system. Lean into the support you have built. Your physiology will thank you for it.

And, if you think of me (and Charlie) on Tuesday, you can join us in spirit for a toast to many more Cinco de Mayo’s together. 🍾